Me and My Life

A pretty shitty year

2011-10-25T18:04:00.002-05:00

So it’s been almost a year since my last post. A year. Some people think that not a whole lot can happen in just 365 days. Others say only 365 days is enough to change the course of your entire life. And what causes those changes can happen in just a split second. That’s it. In such a tiny amount of time, someone’s life can go from pretty good, to completely ass backwards and upside down. Well… I think that is what happened in my last year. But the difference for me was that it was a few different seconds that changed my life.
So after my last post, just before Thanksgiving, I had just moved out and was working on things with Joshua. Since then, things have gone from bad, to good, to worse, to fantastic, to cataclysmic. And now I’m in Limbo.
To start, Joshua and I were doing pretty well. Like I said we had hit a rough patch and we were working through it together. We had Thanksgiving together like every year; we had XMAS together like every year. And on top of that, during his breaks, he lived with me. He would come home to me first. Un-pack, most of the time we would just spend the first night cuddling together then go see his family the next day. And it was pretty fantastic. I couldn’t have asked for a better holiday break. We even got a dog together! We were going to get a dog from the humane society by our mall, but we had to get Z the cat checked up first since it’s the law that you can’t have multiple animals without having them caught up on rabies and other shots. So we took Z to the vet. We had mentioned something about getting a dog from the pound and all of a sudden she was super friendly and introduced us to Viggo. He was an all black Lab/ Boarder Collie/ German shepherd mix. He was gorgeous. And friendly! Oh my god he was so friendly. But he was really hyper. Josh fell in love instantly. I was a little more hesitant because I had my heart set on the dog from the pound but a small walk with him; we ended up taking Z AND Viggo home with us. He was a lot to handle for a few days. And mostly josh took care of him. But he was great. And just what I wanted in a dog. So Josh and I had our own family…sort of. Haha.
Then he left the day before my 21st birthday, as usual. L It was a good birthday. But I don’t think I have been able to spend a single birthday with him since we’ve been together. Well…that’s a lie. He did come down for my 19th birthday. He came down the day of and surprised me, stayed the night with me at my parents’ house, and then left the next night. He didn’t even go see his own family. But anyway. It was a good birthday. I got my Fluery hockey jersey! And I drank! Haha I got relatively drunk. Not awful puking my guts out drunk. But I had a nice buzz drunk going.
After that night things got in to a routine again. If I wasn’t at work, I was either at home with Viggo, the maniac dog, or I was out with Mercedes, the roommate (the only one I had after February since Tasha moved out), or I was out with my mom and her friends drinking. After a while though, at work people started asking me to hang out. One guy in particular, Jason. Jason was a coworker of mine in the security dept of Boscov’s. And he was a pretty good friend of mine. He was funny and really nice. We started just hanging out on our lunch breaks. Then we started hanging out outside of work at the Texas Roadhouse after work with others, or at Applebee’s. Then we started watching movies at my place. And then I was crying to him every time josh and I got in to a fight. As you can imagine, we became very close. Over the months he became my best friend. And I developed a little crush. Josh didn’t talk to me all that much, when we did talk things were just kind of boring and nothing seemed right. We fought a lot. It just never seemed like we were going to make it through to his graduation. And Jason was kind to me; he did anything to make me smile; he was my crying shoulder; he was sometimes a better friend than Mercedes since she was constantly telling me to leave Joshua and I didn’t want to hear it. Jason kind of kept his thoughts to himself for the most part.
But life went on. Jason was my best friend, Mercedes was my roommate, and Joshua was my absentee fiancé.
Once Tasha moved out, we had to rely on Joshua who started paying her portion of the rent. He helped me pay for Viggo’s food, since I was barely making enough to eat myself. He really helped a lot. So I guess I excused him for not being there emotionally it felt like.
Once April hit though, it was made painfully obvious that he was not completely there. He was getting shorter and shorter in his temper with me, he was not talking to me as much, we were arguing about everything. So I got it in to my head to snoop through his facebook page. I had his password, and I was constantly on it messing with little things like his info and the like. But this time I went in to his messages. You all know the saying “Eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves”? Yeah well, snoopers never find out anything good. I ended up finding out that he had become just as good of friends with a girl as I had with Jason. The only difference you may ask? Well, my fiancé had made out with her and stayed the night in her room.
Oh god, that was an awful week. I was ready to just jump off a bridge. It’s times like those that really make the pathetic come out of a person. I sat there all week and wanted to know what was so wrong with me that my FIANCE felt he needed to kiss another girl? Why was this happening to me again? Hadn’t I been through enough with this guy? Didn’t I deserve some sort of happiness with him? I LOVE him for crying out loud. I love him with every fiber of my being, every breath in my lungs, every beat of my absolutely shattered heart. And I still do. So we fought that week. We fought, and I cried, and he yelled, and I yelled, and he cried, and things were just bad. Really, really bad. Like, they had never ever been so god awful. But in the end, in the very end, we decided to keep going. To keep trying because, let’s face it, he made a mistake and so did I. We both wanted the other to be our forever.
So we moved on. And graduation came around and I went up with his mom and aunt. I stayed with him in his dorm that night. Then that day, we met up with his father and went. And my fiancé graduated in the top 10% of his graduating class. He finished a 4 year degree in 3 years. I was so proud I cried! After the ceremony we all went out to eat and drive home.
On the way home, Joshua and I were talking about life. And what we planned on doing, and things about our wedding and things wanted to do.
While we were talking about things we wanted to do, how Joshua wanted to be a teacher or so something along those lines, he asked me what it was I really wanted to do. Apparently I never spoke about criminal justice as passionately as he spoke about math and teaching. So he never really thought it was something I wanted to do. And it really got me thinking. Is it really something I want to do? I mean, I really think I’d do well. But is that going to be enough? Well that’s something I’m still thinking about. Over the summer I was looking in to going back to school for special education. But I don’t think that will be it either. I really have no clue what it is I want to do with my life. But as important as that is, it’s not a priority right now so I haven’t been worrying about it so much.
But a few weeks later, something happened that will change not only my life, but that of my entire family. My parents got in to a HUGE fight. And my mom, after years of being put through some pretty bad things, finally decided that it was time to end things with my dad. FINALLY! It’s only been 21 years in the making. But it is sad. And as much as I know it’s the right thing to do, I’m still having a lot of problems dealing with it. My parents have been together for 22+ years. For them to not be together anymore, it’s really hard. And I think that may have been part of my problem over the summer. One of the reasons things happened the way it did.
After a while of dealing with getting over the hurt of my parents splitting up and after dealing with my own relationship problems, I was still unconvinced. But I was still happy. Very extremely happy. I was finally putting wedding plans in to action. I took my mom to see the dress I wanted. I was looking in to real decorations. I started planning center pieces and trying to order flowers and everything. My mom was helping me, Mercedes was helping me, and even Joshua was helping me. I even took my family and looked in to a venue for the wedding ceremony. It was nice. But still not something I wanted.
Then, two days later, two days after being all wedding jittery, and only day after planning on going to a new club in Pittsburgh with Mercedes, Kevin, Larry, and Jason, I found it. I found the one thing I knew was out there but could never prove existed. I found a journal entry on Joshua’s computer. I was playing on it reading his poetry and looking through all the pictures he’s taken over the years. And all of a sudden, I found a file called Journal. And even though I knew I should wait and ask him if it was ok, I went through it. I mean, really. Joshua never had a problem with me reading his journal. When we were first dating he threw it at me and told me to read it and realize what I was getting myself in to. So I didn’t really see the problem. Except, there was a reason he had a journal on his computer and not in his usual book. That would be because he had journal entries about me. Things he couldn’t stand about me; things he hated about me; him trying to talk himself out of dumping me. And the worst of all, there was a journal entry about him sleeping with another girl when we were fighting 2 years before. I lost it. I was PISSED!
So the next night, when I was going to Club Whim with my friends, I decided that, you know what? If Joshua can do that, then there is no reason for me not to. If Joshua can break his promise to me, so can I. So I went out with the intention of being as slutty as possible, having a good time, maybe getting drunk, and hey, even trying to seduce Kevin in to bed with me (which never happened). I was trying to hurt Joshua as badly as he had hurt me.
I was having a blast! I was dancing with Mercedes, and dancing with guys who thought I was freaking hot! They didn’t think I needed to lose 10 lbs because my face was too chubby. They didn’t think I needed to lose anything. They just wanted to dance. And yeah, some of them wanted to get lucky. Some of them tried hard too. It was pretty funny. All in all it was a fantastic night. Then I noticed that Jason was not on the floor. He was outside on the club’s deck. So I went to talk to him. And he asked me how things were going. Then, he asked if he could do something. I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to do, because he just kept looking at me with this look in his eyes, like I was dessert or something. And it’s Jason, come on. That crush that I had? It never really went away. So I told him sure he could. And….he kissed me. And holy cow. It was new and pretty awesome. And then he did it again.
Unfortunately, I was so pissed off at Joshua still, that I didn’t bother to stop it. And the next night, when I saw my fiancé again, I decided to break up with him. I decided that, it was for the best. Obviously I didn’t love him anymore or I wouldn’t have let that happen. Obviously things weren’t working out because he had sex with someone else. So I decided to break up with Josh and see where things would go with Jason. Bad idea. For the next four months Joshua and I were on again, off again almost every week. He moved out 4 times. We became roommates once. We ended our engagement completely. He re-proposed. That ended. All the while, I never stopped hanging out with Jason. We had sex once together, we made out, and we stayed at the other’s place. It was a bad, bad, BAD situation. And just over three weeks ago, Joshua and I finally broke up for good.
He moved out, we stopped talking, he was pissed, I was pissed. It was just a really bad, and actually very sad, situation. On top of that, as much as I had a good time with Jason, and as strong as my feelings were for him, I realized that those feelings, were definitely not love. I felt only love as a friend toward Jason. I hurt him. I hurt Joshua. I hurt me. So I decided to “break up” with Jason. He was just not Joshua. He wasn’t the guy I love. As shitty as I was to Joshua, as much as I thought I wanted to be single and be free and not answer to anyone, I realized, I LOVE JOSHUA! I am so in love with this kid that it isn’t even funny. But now, he’s already gone. It’s only two weeks after a break up and I am finally realizing something that I should have realized months ago. I should have forgiven him and moved on with life. I should NEVER have let Jason kiss me again at the club. And I should have been a better person.
Well, I started talking to Joshua again. Against everyone’s advice. I was trying to get my friend back first. That wasn’t working. So a few days ago, I left a card on his car, a card that said how much I missed him, just much more eloquently than I could say it myself. That night I ended up going to his mom’s house where he was staying. I ended up pathetically pouring my heart out to him, telling him I was sorry, telling him how much I missed him, how I can’t be without him. I sat there on the floor in his bedroom, and cried and talked and explained, and sobbed.
When I was done talking, he just kind of sat there and looked at the floor and didn’t say anything for a while. So I took that as he didn’t want me there, that he had really made up his mind that he didn’t want me. So I got up to leave and as soon as I got up he grabbed me and sat me next to him on the bed. You know when you get jittery and your leg is shaking up and down? That’s what my legs were doing, with my help. I could not stop shaking, I was barely breathing, and I was just so scared. But he held me next to him. He had one arm around my shoulders and held my other had with his free hand. It was pretty amazing. We ended up lying on the bed talking for a bit. Then he took me to see his new apartment that he would be moving in to the next day with his dad. Won’t go in to details after that.
But then the next day, after he grabbed some of his things from the apartment, and after he was helping unload the truck, he and I had to take our dog Viggo, to the humane society. L I can’t stay in my apt. anymore since it is getting foreclosed on. And I can’t afford to stay in a place that will allow me to keep him, so we had to take him in. it was awful. We both cried. Viggo was our dog for 10 months. And as destructive as he was, he was an amazing, lovable, friendly dog. And I will miss him dearly.
After taking Viggo to the pound, Joshua and I got ready and he was my date to a Halloween party. He went at a pimp devil, with black slacks on, a red suit shirt, suspenders, a tie, a devils mask, fedora hat, and a pimp cane. He was so fricking cute I loved it! And I was his fallen angel. I wore a black skirt, black shirt, black ripped up leggings, black boots, black wings, and I wore dark make up and fake lip rings and other piercings. It was a very cute couple’s thing. And for that night, even though he got drunk, I had my Joshua back; my dorky, lovable, happy Joshua. He was touchy, he kissed me, he danced with me, and he was talking about the next year’s party and how he was already planning what he was going to wear and what he and I would do. It made me so excited.
If things don’t work out between him and I, as pathetic as it may sound, I really feel like I will have nothing to live for. I want his kids, I want to marry him, and I want to grow old with him. As hurt as I know he is, I need him to forgive me and be with me again. I also need to forgive myself.
I know it won’t be the same. But I think after all of this it will be better. It will be a mature relationship. One where we can really appreciate what we have in each other. One where we will actually work through everything together rather than one person trying and one person not caring. But I really just need him. I need him to try with me now. So keep your fingers crossed for me.
Oh. I did forget to mention the cat! Well, the new one that is. Z died a few moths ago. It was a kind of a slightly tragic experience for me. We had to take Z to the vet at 10 pm because he was really sick. Well, he died in my lap on the way there. It was very, very sad. But just a week before Joshua and I broke up this last (and hopefully final) time, he and I got a kitten from his coworker at Wal-Mart. He is an orange, striped tabby kitten named Wren. He is a total sweet heart. But unfortunately, he is totally nocturnal. And when I’m trying to sleep he is trying to play. The little brat. But I love him dearly and he is just a blast to watch. He is so funny! And for a cat, he is slightly uncoordinated.
Oh Oh Oh! And on top of Club Whim, my friends Tina and Diane and I have discovered the best place ever! It’s called Saddle Ridge. It is a country club in the same plaza as Whim. LOVE IT! We line dance all night long! It is great exercise! And the cowboys are pretty Damn hot!
But yeah. That has been my 21st year old life. Well, most of it anyway. It has been really crazy. And really very shitty. I lost everything that means the most to me. And I’m not sure I can get it back, no matter how hard I try. My parents are splitting up, I lost my boyfriend, I lost a good friend, I gave up my future marriage, I had to give up my dog, and now I have two weeks to move out of my home for the last year. If ANYONE has any advice for me, please share it. I could use some good advice about this. Please. I love Joshua more than anything in the world. I need help.

almost thanksgiving

2010-11-15T17:03:00.004-05:00

So it is now November. It's been a while since I updated. Not that I think anyone reads this lol.
Lemme see....a lot has happened since i graduated.

First off Josh came home for the summer. And it was awesome. I had a great time with him. We took a few pictures at Buttermilk Falls which I think are on his site. We got some taken at Sear's. But the Buttermilk Falls ones are better. My mom took them. She did a great job.
Umm...we spent almost every day together this past summer, which, after 9 months apart, was really nice. It was nice to be able to be face to face with him a lot of the time.

I quit Buy N' Fly in June. I also got hired by a company called Home Instead. They go to senior citizens' homes and help take care of them. Basically I was kind of a nurse's aid without the medical training. That job...SUCKED! I am not a maid lol. So I quit...sort of...about two weeks ago. I cant officially quit till the end of December so I wont have to pay them 80 dollars for the two TB tests that I ended up paying for and the four training books. The company is a good one, dont get me wrong. But it was definitely not the job I want or need. It is too unpredictable.

But anyway, before i quit HI, I did something pretty awesome. Three weeks before josh moved, me and two other girls, my friend Mercedes and Josh's sister's best friend Tasha, we moved in to one of Josh's dad's apartments! Yes I am officially living on my own! and I love it. No more fights with family. I have a place of my own. no rules to follow all the time. So Josh moved in with me before he left for school and he stays there when he isn't at school. It's great. I really like having my own place. The only down falls are that i have no TV/ internet service, and there is A LOT of girl drama. But that is ok for now.

I am still at Boscov's. And I am now working for a company called TrendSetters as a holiday job. So I've got some extra money coming in which is nice. I can now buy the TV stand for the new TV Josh just bought. I can also get a home theater system too. And decent X-Mas gifts.

Josh and I are doing well. Hit a pretty rough patch about a month and a half ago. Things are still kinda rocky. But it is ok. We are learning how to deal with things that need to be dealt with. Its tough.

If I could give advice to anyone about to go in to a long distance relationship, I would tell them to make sure you have the emotional strength for it. It's really hard. And you better really love them, or it might seem like a waste of your time. But if you love them, just good luck. Do not let the other get too over stressed. being far away and really stressed will lead you two to a very rocky, unstable ledge that you either just go over and say "ok. I'm here with you. Let's do this." or you turn back and leave them to deal with everything alone. Neither sound good. But believe me, if you are in it for the long haul, jump. It will be worth it hopefully soon.

I feel like I am still waiting for it to be worth it. But that feeling is going away, slowly, but it is still going away. I cant imagine not being with him. I love Joshua R. Laughlin. He is my best friend and the only person I think who knows almost everything about me. I hope that someday everyone can find someone like that for themselves.....

Other than quitting two jobs and moving out and boy problems, things are going well. My 21st BDay is almost here. Only 2 more months!!! I cant wait lol. Nothing else really special to report on. OH! I am now OBSESSED with Grey's ANatomy. I have all 6 seasons. got them all within 2 months of each other. Josh bought me season 6 (thank you babe!). and now I am caught up with season 7. Which SUCKS! OMG. I am ready to flip. If Christina doesn't get out of her funk soon, this show will no longer be worth watching. lol

Anyway...that is all.

Till next time,
-Meg

Summer so far

2010-06-25T09:05:00.003-05:00

so its summer time. which is pretty great. i graduated from CCBC in may. thank god its over lol

josh is home. he got home about a week before graduation. so he got to see this one :)we've been spending every day together. which is really nice after not seeing him for so long. not as stressful as long distance. we are supposed to get some more pictures taken on sunday. thats going to be fun. we got some from sear's and now we are having my mom take some of us at buttermilk falls and at mcconell's mill. it'll be great. pretty places :)
josh got a job at walmart in electronics. so he's now not complaining about not making money haha. just hours.

i have two jobs, one with buy n fly still. and im working at boscov's too. im trying to get a job at claire's so i can get rid of bnf. but idk how that is going so. we'll see.

umm....nothing else really new.
ttyl

blahness

2010-02-28T23:11:00.002-05:00

hey all.

so nothing new lately. well...except that josh and i are actually looking at a place to live on friday. i'm super excited. my parents are letting me drive up and look at it with my friend vern. if all goes well i'll be moving up there by june or july. i'm nervous. but who isnt when they move away from their parents?

other than that...joshand i are fixing our problems. it seems to be going really well. i just hope that we can keep it up. you never know what could happen. i love him too much to want to lose him just before we are supposed to move in together. and try as we might to keep it working i just keep getting a feeling something is still really wrong. but im a paranoid person. so hopefully that's all it is.

school is giong well...boring as hell. i hate it. but thats life. the internship is great too. lot of paper work. but sometimes i get to sit in on some trials and pretrials. one plea for murder and, one pretrial for murder...creeped me the hell out too...and one pretrial for molesting 9 women. i hope the slime gets thrown away for good. but ya never know.

home life is tense right now. but thats normal.

i'm sick. which sux. but oh well. i dont think i will die from a bad head cold. but i will be calling and not going to the courthouse tomorrow lol. no way am i sitting in some pretrials at allencrest sneezing the entire time. nope nope nope lol.

so far nothing else needs to be updates. so ttfn y'all

hello again

2010-01-25T18:47:00.005-05:00

hey. Its been a while. Last time i updated it was just after midterms in the fall. well its 2 weeks after spring semester now. So lets see...what happened, what happened?...

Hmm. well after midterms, nothing exciting happened. Josh came home on the 16th of december. that was sean's bday. we all hung out for a while. it was nice.

within all that time, we ran into my dad's mother. rather not nice. she is trying to get back in touch with everyone. its just weird. She's been out of our lives for the last 5 years. and NOW she wants to talk and see everyone. Im not sure i'm ok with that.

Things with dad over xmas break got ok for a while then went back to normal. Its a constant roller coaster with him. But w.e.

Ummm....xmas time was decent. xmas eve josh and i went to my uncle's house,in new castle then to his gramma's house in McKee's Rocks. Then we went back to my mom's friend's house for the rest of the night. it was fun. Busy too. I haven't had a busy xmas for a long time. Xmas itself was nice. i got alot of nice things for my apartment. i'm really happy with that.

I started classes on the 11th. My internship is pretty awesome. But its a lot of filing and alphabetizing. which really sux. but everyone is really nice. and i'll get to do alot of really fun things. eventually.

My 20th bday was on the 18th. it was a bittersweet day i guess. i had fun with my friends and i got the mixer i was dying for. but josh also left that day and i wont see him until march 6th. he got me a bracelet for my bday. its so pretty. now he's gotten me everything for jewelry lol.

well thats the update. nothing new for now. its all lame lol.

ttfn.
Meg

ready to be done with it all

2009-10-23T22:28:00.005-05:00

hello again.

so lemme see....not really alot to say. had my "midterms" already. i really only had one test and that was for oral communications. and i had to write something for my paper in criminology. but otherwise thats it. school is so easy. except my sociology class. i hate it!!! its awful. he only lectures and nothing else. and hasnt given us anymore time for our big project. but w.e. he's an ass.

hmm...so i got my car taken away for the 4th time in 2 months. my dad is taking it awy just because laundry isnt done enough to suit him. im getting fed up with everything. i n eed out. im gonna be 20 in 3 months and i still have less freedoms than 15 yr olds now. its starting to piss me off. so im thinking of moving after my 20th bday. josh's dad has an apartment for rent. im gonna think about asking him about it. and i have a possible roomy. so im really excited.

oh oh ohI got my internship at the courthouse! so starting in january i'll working in the victim/ witness program in the DA's office. im super excited. and im gonna put my resume up really soon. so hopefully i get some job offers!

josh was home for his fall break already. we had a really good time together. he was home for 5 days. came home friday left on tuesday. we did alot of just hanging out watching movies and stuff. it was really nice to see him again after a month. i missed him so much it was crazy. but now i gotta wait for 5 weeks before i see him again. which really pisses me off. but w.e. i'll have plenty of him starting in july lol. enough to last a life time and more. :)
im really proud of him tho. his teachers are telling him to go straight into his master's degree instead of waiting. and if he keeps up with his 4.0+ GPA and finds the right school, they might pay for his schooling and pay him to be a teacher's aide. so im really excited. the only thing with that is that we will have to move again. but that wont be too bad.

other than this i guess we have a new puppy. his name is rafe. he is a 5 month old english mastif. cute, rambunctious, and sweet. huge too.

um....other than this...nothing is new. so...TTFN

lets play catch up

2009-09-06T22:08:00.003-05:00

hey all.
yeah so its been a long time since i last posted.
lets see....

Last time i posted classes were just about to end. they ended pretty well. i got 2 A's and 3 B's. but it still got me on the Dean's List. I was really worried i wouldnt get on it again. but i did. yay me lol.

josh got home around the end of may. and we were pretty inseperable all summer. our relationship seems to have gotten alittle more tight. so im really happy about it. we went everywhere together. it is actually pretty funny. i got really frustrated with a certain member of his family. so things are a little tense w. me and this person. but it hasnt had a big effect on josh and i.

there has been a little family stress on my part. mom and dad almost split a few times. otherwise they are just kinda cordial to each other now. its kinda sad

i got my drivers' license and a car. got the car first lol...its a '99 Toyota Camry. its a REALLY ugly "champagne" color. but its a pretty decent car for my first.

umm....i had that damn online intro to college algebra class this summer. i placed so low on the placement test that they wouldnt let me take a regular class w. the intro course. but i procrastinated so bad that i never finished. but w.e. that class doesnt count toward my final GPA anyway. its just a class you pay for and get no credits. so im just gonna take bio or some other science class instead.

josh had to leave again. i thought it would be a whole lot easier this year. we went through a whole year already. this should be easier cause we are used to it. but nope. he left and i cried like he was REALLY leaving me. it was horrible. but w.e. i miss him. but he's back at school with all his friends having a good time. so im glad...mostly. i still want him all to myself. but i cant.

umm...classes started 2 weeks ago. mine are all pretty good. i dont think im gonna like sociology tho. the proff is kinda lame and mean. but w.e. im still gonna have a pretty good gpa.

umm....as of right this moment, nothing new has happened. i asked a prof for some help finding a job for when i move. and he's gonna help me. im one of his best students he said so he has no problem helping out. im pretty pumped.

other than all this nothing to report. night all.
Meg

stress and other junk

2009-04-23T11:56:00.003-05:00

hey all.
so the end of my first year of college is coming up in a week. i'm starting to feel the pressure. I have a 2 page paper to do and one more asssignement to do for music, one more assignment and a 2 page paper for child abuse, a 5 page research paper to do and a journal on every story we read and every poem for english, 10 more 65 word essays for psychology and a final test, and finally a test and a prison project to do for my correctional administrations class. Thats alot of stuff to do in a week and a half. its crazy! lol

But what bugs me the most about all of this work, is that i'm supposed to have a partner for the prison project. We have to design the prison layout and the kinds of programs it will have like a vocatinoal training and a GED program. we have to draw out the plans. and for the programs we have to look up 2 articles for every program we choose. thats alot of work for one person. so Mrs. Kupperman is letting us get into groups. but i really dont talk to people in that class. so i didnt have a partner so she had me work with a guy who didnt have one. that was all fine and dandy. but he wasnt in class all week this week. and i dont have his number. just an email that he may or may not check. so when i brought up his not being in class and that i dont have his number, she told me to just do it by myself since we are all getting graded indavidually. so now i am partnerless cause this jerk decided to skip or w.e.

but the good news is.....i have some of the best friends in the world. my freind julia wants to be an architect so she is coming over to help me make the layout for the prison. and my friend veronica offered to help me with the research. so i have a feeling i'm gonna do pretty damn awesome on this thing. but the problem with all this is that julia is still only a senior in highschool and veronica doesnt go to ccbc. so i'm hoping Kupperman doesnt mind.

other problems besides my too many projects is that my email for ccbc hasnt been working. apperantly my email password expired so i havent been able to get on to my email in a week. so i havent been able to turn in the assignments for music and child abuse for this past week. but i got it working. and all the other assignments i missed i can turn in too. so i'm pretty happy now that i called the guy. but what a pain in the butt is that?! the password shouldnt expire. that screws everybody up. but things are ok now.

i got signed up for my extra math class. which is good. i wont be overloaded with classes next fall. actually i might be just because i want less classes in the spring so i can focus on the interneship i can get. i'm hoping i can get that. that would be perfect. i can get some good references from that and from Phi Thetta Kappa (aka PTK and honor society for 2 year colleges) when i apply for a real job.

jeez. i think i really need a vacation during the summer lol. so much junk and what not right now its crazy.

josh is almost done with classes too! he comes home next friday! but whats even kooler is that i get to go up to see himn thursday and help bring him home on friday! i'm so excited to see the campus and meet his roommate. hopefully some more of his friends are up there so i can meet them too. but i'm like over the moon excited. lol.

in other news....i dont have any

wish me luck getting my stuff done. i'm gonna need it lol

tootles

nothing major

2009-04-03T22:30:00.002-05:00

'Ello Guv. So nothing really interesting to talk about. Umm. Josh got home for spring break last month. He had to leave the day before my spring break. go figure right? after he left it was going to be 5 weeks of not seeing him. But he forgot that he had called off a weekend back in January. So he got to come home last weekend. It was nice to see him. we hung out as much as possible. but since i didnt find out about him coming home till 2 days before i couldnt call off work. so i had to work 8 hours on the saturday he was here. But he left and now we only have a week before Easter and then 2 weeks before class is done for the summer for him. so i'm REALLY excited.

Classes have been pretty good so far. Almost done. I get done a week after josh gets home i think. I'm doing pretty decent too. doing all my assignments and what not lol. but i'm telling you, english class....it sux! lol.

work is good too. i'm getting the same hours at my new job as my old one. so its really nice. i just have a smaller work load. and an almost set schedule. so i'm really happy about that.

so josh and i also set an official date for our wedding. we are getting married october 6th 2012! i'm so exited. my friends are also really excited for me. So much so that when my friend mercedes and i went prom dress shopping for her at david's bridal (its not just bridal gowns), she got the attendants to let me try on 3 dresses. 2 of them were olgi cassinni gowns. and one was someone else. the first was the other designer. it was a princess ball gown type. it was strapless and had layers and layers of tulle. it was very pretty. and the type of dress i wanted. then i tried on the 1st olgi cassinni gown. it was strapless also. and was bunched. it was very pretty. but not exactly the kind of dress i like. The last was my favorite. it was an ivory dress with a sweetheart neckline. it was a corset back. it was georgeous. it wasnt poofy like i wanted but it wasnt straight down either. it had roses embroidered on it in a shade lighter than the gown. and the material was so soft. it was amazing! loved it right off the bat. it was the one i chose to try on. mercedes wanted me to try on the other 2. and i love this one. and it being ivory might go well with my fall colors and just look better. so i'm really excited. even tho the wedding is almost 4 years away.

my dad is having a caniption about this whole wedding deal. he told me at one point he wasnt helping pay for it. which kinda hurt. but it turned out he was just angry for telling him abougt the dresses. so mom flipped out on him yesterday. he doesnt get how excited i am about getting married to the man i love. all he ever sees is the dollar signs. and about 1 year after i get married he has sean's first year of college to pay for. but i wonder if he is thinking he is paying for the whole wedding. and if thats the case he is way wrong. josh and i really want to pay for our wedding mostly by ourselves. we know we cant do it ourselves. but when he said he wasnt going to help at all i like got really pissed off. he can be such an asshole. and when he knows he is being an asshole the only was he can appologize is by buying me things or giving me money. it kinda sux not to have an actual appollogy from him. but whatever. its just so hard to deal with him when we are just too alike. i hope i never treat people the way he treats people. i dont want to be like him. and i'm scared about that. but i have alot of my mom in me that i think its enough to offset him. we'll see.

umm...other than all this junk nothing much is happening. boyfriend overloading himself. brothers are either being a little brat or getting detention for being too wild (which isnt like him) or parental drama. the usual.

ttfn

add on

2009-03-18T11:36:00.006-05:00

ok. so i know i just posted but i found some more things that really help add on to and prove my poiint about weight issues. Apperantly some radio host attacked Meghan McCain for her weight calling her "a plus-sized supermodel". If any of you have seen Meghan McCain, she isnt plus sized. She isnt skinnny either. She said she was a size 7 or 8 before the elections and campaigning. But during that time she had gained some weight and went up to a size 10. I want to say that most of that was probably due to some stress about the campaign. and i'm glad she is healthy. But why do people insist on calling people over a size 6 FAT???? we aren't.
in this article
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20090317/pl_ynews/ynews_pl260;_ylt=AvbHAeHcwYErcVvqKcONb38azJV4
there is a video about what had happened. they also are talking about what happened with tyra banks. She gained some weight and wore an unflattering bathing suit. and people called her fat. OH my god. do we honestly have nothingn else to do besides rag on people who gain weight? is there nothing else we can do? like maybe go read a damn book? holy shit. Now if someone like Tyra had gained 100 lbs, i would wonder what the hell happened and if they are ok. but gaining 20 lbs, putting on a little extra pudge is not bad. why would you want to be nothing but skin and bones like Lindsey Lohan? what appeal is there in that? i dont understand.

gotta go. class time. tootles

ugh

2009-03-14T22:57:00.003-05:00

so yeah i havent written in a while. no biggie. but josh is buggin so i might as well.

umm...yeah so i read alot of things on the internet about celebrities and junk like that. i enjoy it . i dunno why but i do. but i'm always finding things like how they say they "will always be thicker."-Mandy Moore. i dont get it. Moore has got to be only a size 5. not even. she is beautiful. and then all that shit about jessica simpson gaining weight. she didnt look fat at all in that picture. most of you have probably seen it. the one of her in high waisted jeans, a black beater, and an ugly belt. ok so the outfit was deffinatly not flattering. and yeah she has gained weight. but not enough to be called fat. and then she says she will loose 20 lbs. just because she has a bad picture and everyone freaked out. she is a beautiful woman. i dont get it. people like her and mandy moore are georgeous. mooore has an athletic body. probably not an oz. of fat on her and she says she is thicker. if she is thicker its because of muscle not fat.
I am thicker. i am a size 9 girl. i hate it. i was down to a size 6 last spring. and after i got done with colorguard and band i gained all that damn wieght back. i'm trying to loose it again. i need to. i am over weight and unhealthy. yeah i also want to look good. but i honestly dont think i want to look super skinny. its not who i am. now, its taking time for me to come to these kinds of terms for myself.
i mean, really, i've been growing up in a world where a size 2 body is perfect. so how do girls growing up come to terms with themselves? they are getting eating advice and confidence boosts from twigs. how does that help when a 12 year old girl is seeing someone like Tyra ( i like tyra dont get me wrong) saying you are beautiful, and fierce and no one should say different. Tyra is this georgeous skinny woman and is totally famous. when she talks to young girls, do you really think they hear a word she says? no they are to busy thinking how much they either arent as pretty or how are they ever going to get that way. wat if we had someone else doing that? someone who is chunkier and happy to be that way? dont you think it would be better for those girls?
if women can show that they are happy being a size 9 or 14 and that they think they are beautiful, i think more girls would look towards them and not go into thier bulemia and anorexia or degridation.

on another note, i was reading things about the "tween queen" Miley Cirus. god that girl needs to grow up. i like her singing. she is actually very talented. but really, she is trying to look older. look at the things she wears to the awards. but isnt there something else that should go with that look? something like maturity? really, she needs to grow up. her latest hissy was because radiohead or whatever said no to meeting her. and now she plans on ruining them. come on. is that honestly the kind of image she wants to put off? omg. i cant stand her attitude. i cant wait till she gets her wake up call. that will be a nice change.

life for me, is as usual, pretty decent. i got a new job. it's not too too bad. i got done with my training hours so i am officially on the schedule.
i got to see some friends today and my old youth mentor. she and alot of friends asked about my engagement. it made me all giddy again thinking about it haha. mmm...i still can't believe it. but yeah everyone is asking for the date. josh and i are thinking october 9th of maybe 2014. but that is 5 years away so maybe 2012. i dont know. it just cant be 2013.
but thats about it in my life. spring break is pretty much over. classes begin back on monday. woo hoo.

later
Meg

lots of thinking.

2009-02-14T21:57:00.006-05:00

"Norah: There's this part of Judaism that I like. Tikun Olam. It said that the world is broken into pieces and everyone has to find them and put them back together.
Nick: Maybe we don't have to find it. Maybe we are the pieces. "

^^^I really liked this part of the movie^^^ think about it. I did. I spent a long time contemplating this. it is one of the only quotes that i have ever really felt compelled to think about. So it's gotta be a bit good.

So yeah. nothing too great. i found out my friend is getting married. Or actually she was supposed to get married today. She was doing her civil ceremony (the judge one) today. And then she was going to do the real one this summer. Well her paperwork got screwed up so they have to wait a few more days. I'm really happy for her. But at the same time, I;m kinda angry. I havent talked to her forever and now she is getting married and apparently pregnant. But i will get over that.

I talked to my other friend's boyfriend today while she was getting her hair cut. i dont know if i should be worried or not. he gave her a promise ring and he says he loves her. And i can see it and i really do believe it. But the way he talked today about how he still isnt sure that she is the one makes me worry for her. I love them both but i dunno...i'm worried.

It makes me wonder how i KNOW Josh is it for me. I do love him. And i always will. And i want to be with him. there isnt any doubt in my mind. But if my friend's boyfriend who is about 3 years older than me cant make up his mind, why should i be able to? but then again, he is really odd. maybe that has something to do with it haha.
But yeah. I had another one of those really wierd thoughts. The one where you go "hey wait...i really AM with him? like, this isnt a dream?" lol. wierd but honestly, it's been happening to me way too much lately. i look at him and listen to him talk and its like "holy shit, he is mine". Its a preayy De ja Vu-ish kind of deal lol.

Nothing too great. I paid my dues for Phi Thetta Kappa. So my initiation is coming up soon.I'm really excited for it. Classes are going decently. Unfortunatly i failed one of my tests. But i can get that grade up easily i believe. I passed my first english paper better than i thought i was going to. and i did pretty well on my corrections test. So far So good.

So other than that i have been working. I HATE it. do not get me started on it. I am pretty sure i will walk out real soon if one of the new managers doesnt change his tune towards the crew very soon.

Well thats it. Going to bed.
Nite Nite
Meg

Best weekend ever!

2009-02-09T00:29:00.003-05:00

NEWS NEWS NEWS!!!!! lol.

ok so this weekend was AMAZING! Josh came home this weekend for our 1 year anniversary. He got home friday night around apparently 4. And when he got to my house he gave me a dozen roses. He spoils me lol. Then we went to the Comedy Improv in Rochester with my friends. But friday, as great as it was to finally see Josh is not what was so great about this weekend.
So Saturday was going to be our day together. Since his mom and stepdad went to Erie, his sisters went to his dad's house and got his step-sis and her husband to leave for the night. Then after much needed cuddling and alone time we went to the store and got stuff to make one of the most amazing chicken salads i have ever had. lol. anyhoo then he wanted ice cream like immediatly after. so he was making the bowl (we were gonna share it since i was too full to eat one by myself.) and i was putting things away in the other kitchen. but he was having trouble with the hot fudge so i tried to help and he said "Go fucking sit down and shut up"...lol so i did and he brought it over and held the bowl out to me. so i grabbed the bowl he was holding a black box underneath it. and then he got down on one knee and was like "Megan Bisbal, I love you, I know i will love you forever. Will you marry me?" and i was like so stupid i was looking between him and the ring box and my mouth was open and i was shaking and omg lol. i couldn't even say YES. so i just nodded my head and holy crap! now i'm getting married!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
So now i am wearing the most beautiful ring ever on my left hand ring finger. and i dont want to take it off ever. But don't owrry about us getting married right now. We are waiting for about 4-5 years.

Other than the best night of my life, nothing too interesting happened after. I started tlking to an old friend from like 5th grade. Havent seen nor heard from her since and she got a facebook and we are gonna get together in July so i am really excited lol. Josh had to go back to school. After he left I had 20 65-word essays for psych due by 11:59 pm tonight and i hadnt even started them. Got those turned in and ended up talking to a guy i used to crush on in 8th grade. i never once talked to him during high school and he's all...hi whats up? really wierd. but w.e. Anyhoo. I have class tomorrow so I better get some sleep lol.
Good night all!
-future Mrs. Josh Laughlin! lol (eeek. i love it!)

I was forced...

2009-02-02T22:26:00.000-05:00

Hey. So I am Megan Bisbal. I was forced by my boyfriend to get a blog so here it is. Ha Ha. SO I figure I might as well keep up with it. It might be kool.
So the only place I can think to start at is the beginning. I just turned 19 on the 18th of January. I live in Pennsylvania. I am going to CCBC (Community College of Beaver County) for Criminal Justice. Its pretty kool. I love the classes and I am doing way better now than I did in high school.
I love music and reading. I read everyday pretty much. But I generally like to read historical romance. But you can mix in a few others too. I'm picky but not too picky. Ha Ha.Music is the other love of my life. Without it, I think there is no way to survive life. Its an expression that fulfills more than just entertainment for others. It's a way to vent. I love all different kinds of music. I enjoy classical from Beethoven to Mozart. And I love Breaking Benjamin and Goo Goo Dolls. Country is great too. I am even beginning to enjoy some Rap.
The BIGGEST love of my life and most important is my boyfriend Joshua. He and I have been together for a year and plan on keeping it going for way longer than that. He gets me and doesn't complain. I love him. I think I know more about him that anyone else. And I couldn't be happier. Love You Hunny!! hehe
I work as a waitress at the Hot Dog Shoppe in Chippewa. And I also do pretty much everything else. It sucks and I need a new job. Anyone have any ideas? Ha Ha.

So in the past week there really isn't anything too exciting to put up here. Josh is coming home this weekend. So I am really excited. He goes to college 5 hours away so I can only see him every once in a while. It has been like every 3 weeks. Or at the longest 5 weeks (which I have to do again in March). But I get to see him so this weekend will be great.
Classes are getting kind of boreing. I go to class every Monday and Wednesday. It's nice but i have to work the other days. But right now I am taking English 2 and it is terrible. The teacher reminds me of one of the faries from Sleeping Beauty. Or also the witch from The Sword adn The Stone. The one Merlin gets into a wizarding battle with lol. She is short with blonde hair and is really soft spoken. But I bet if you piss her off, she is a real bitch. So it's going to be interesting with her. I am also taking General Psychology. The prof is really boring. He is a great guy but boring as hell. I almost fell asleep in his class today haha. I also Have Correctional Addministration, Intro To Music (online) and Child Abuse (online). Other than class today was nice. I hung out with my friend at the mall and we girl talked haha.
But right now I really need to go to bed. I have to work at 7:30 tomorrow...so tootles to all and good night.